Monday, February 19, 2007

I Will Never

I was so sure of all the things that I would never do before I had children. I had my list of "I Nevers": I will never give my baby a pacifier, I never will put MY child in front of the TV, I will never give my child candy before they are 3 years old, maybe 5, I will never raise my voice or yell in anger at my children, I will never use the phrases my mother used on me such as "Because I said so, that's why." Then I actually had children and reality set in. My ideas, some of my convictions, my "nevers" all seemed to fly out the window. It was all I could do just to survive this thing called parenthood.

This is what happened to my list of "I Nevers". Carter had a pacifier before we even left the hospital ( what did those books know anyway, some kids just need to suck, and please, he never had an issue nursing). I admit I did put my child in front of some Baby Einstein videos, not to make him smarter, just to give myself a break for half an hour to make dinner, take a shower, heck, to pee by myself. I am still a stickler about sweets, but let's face it, I'm not about to deprive my child or myself the photos of his/her 1st taste of birthday cake. And yes, although I'm not proud of it there are times when I yell at my children, sometimes in anger. I try to work on it but it's a reality, I am not perfect. The phrases my mom used to say to me that I hated so much make a lot of sense now that I am a mom and yes on occasion I use them.

The one "I Never" that I still truly believed in, that I thought I would never waver from, that I was certain I would never do, I finally did. No, I still have not beat my children, that one I'm sticking to, but the other biggie I caved in on. I swore I WOULD NEVER BUY A MINIVAN and yes you guessed it. I did. Now there are a million reasons why I swore that wouldn't happen, I mean it screams MOM ( I know I am, but I am so much more). My car was the last thing that was mine, something that didn't necessarily define me as a mother ( so what if there were 2 car seats in it). It was a car I picked when I was still childless and carefree. It was sort of the one thing that I had from that prior life. Mind you I love my life, I love being a mom, but truly it's not all that I am. However, with baby number 3 on the way our choices were limited and after doing the research it really was the best thing out there for me. So I bit the bullet and got the minivan.

The funny thing that I NEVER thought would happen is that I really LOVE my car. It drives so smooth, it has plenty of room, I can carpool now, and it's just so easy. I should have learned my lesson with my first "I never" list, you can't always predict life or how things work out or even what you will do in any given circumstance. But the truth is I still have my "I never" list of the future: my kids will never date until they are 16, they will never have tv's in their rooms, I will never just give them money they will have to earn it, and the list goes on and on. Oh well!

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